Journal Entry — June 12th, 1901 #

Dearest;

Today was the hardest day so far. It started out fairly normal. I arrived at the ranch to the usual comings and goings with some notable changes. Two folks were not accounted for. The other hands were going about their business, but Kodiak and Evangeline were not present. I found out a little later that Evangeline was in the hospital in Strawberry with a head injury. She had ran off got drunk and had an accident. Kodiak was in a similar situation, but mostly had succumbed to the bottle. It seemed that they had had a major fight the night of Pepper Tate’s party, and the result wasn’t pretty.

Just as I was about to process this information, Pepper Tate comes out of the big house with a look of deep concern across his weary face. With a look that could have been a reflection of myself only a few years previous, he stated that Cat Tate had gone missing.

My blood ran cold at that moment. The feelings came rushing in like a tidal wave against the worn rocks of my mind. It was if I was back on that trail. The feelings of grief, anger, and anguish threatened to boil over. Feelings I thought I had gone and buried those years ago.

Thankfully, my professional brain kicked in, and I pushed those feelings deep within me and set to the task of tracking Ms. Tate.

I will spare you the intricate details of the journey but suffice it to say, and after covering what seemed like half the country, we did find her. She was battered and bruised, and barely conscious, but we found her. The delicate trek was made to Valentine, where a Doctor met us to begin her healing process.

When she was released into Pepper’s arms, I was again met with feelings I thought I had forgotten. Seeing How he looked at Cat, the feeling of unending relief and joy at her being back with him, reminded me of what I could never have now. How I will never have that moment with my own lost love.

The feelings I felt those years ago when I finally realized that you were never coming back to me. How I would never hold you in my arms and keep you safe. How I so utterly failed you.

My love, Max

a wet stain smudges the ink and soaks the paper where a tear lands